The silent treatment is not useful, and serves as a barrier to effective communication. A narcissist uses the silent treatment to abuse their victim. The silent treatment could mean that your friend is sick of your hurtful behavior and it's very possible they no longer want to be friends. The term “silent treatment,” chillingly, comes from 19th-century prison reform.Instead of physical punishment or grueling work, which was believed to do nothing to truly alter the character of the criminal, prisoners would no longer be allowed to speak to each other and rarely be spoken to. The silent treatment in a relationship is a form of emotional abuse. “Talk about creating a time frame for the silent treatment to give the partner who’s choosing not to speak the space he or she needs to process their own emotions without hurting the other person. Schneider, Cikanavicius, and Health Writer Ann Pietrangelo all share keys ways to respond to a situation where a person thinks they are controlling you with the silent treatment: Ignore it … The best response to the Narcissist Silent Treatment game is to move forward with your common sense leading the way. The silent treatment is a favourite tool of the narcissist. But if giving the silent treatment has become a habit for your partner, then you should refuse to become the victim. He doesn’t have voicemail. But it’s important, in part, because you are trying to model for them how you want them to interact with you. But it will only set a toxic a ‘who blinks first’ game in motion. But the silent treatment isn’t fair, and it’s harmful to both parties. If the person keeps engaging, simply tell him you are not willing to engage at this time. Except in the case of silent treatment manipulation. More than likely nothing of any significance. It is a passive-aggressive approach to manipulate you into giving them the Narcissistic Supply that they crave. Call them out on it instead of taking it quietly. Dealing with a silent spouse can elicit a lot of negative emotions, and it can be hard to treat them the way you want to be treated. Voice your feelings and thoughts: Make sure that your partner knows that the way they are behaving is making you feel uncomfortable, afraid, and vulnerable. We’ve reached out to his wife who says she doesn’t want to get in the middle of it. When responding to the silent treatment, there are certain things that you should avoid which include the following: Never beg or plead. If your partner continues to give you the silent treatment time after time, help him work on redirecting the habit that has developed in his life. Responding to silent treatment in marriage with your own version could collapse the relationship foundations. And if the narcissist cannot respond with common sense, keep moving. At best the silent treatment is an immature behavior used by spoiled brats and manipulative individuals. At worst, it is a weapon used by abusers to punish their victims. 5. We all have an inherent need to belong. Change the negative pattern. Sadly, the silent treatment often works as intended because it’s so unbearable, and people will do anything to make it stop. If the silent treatment lasts beyond a short season, then it has gone over the line of a healthy response to a heated situation and into a very destructive and harmful form of emotional abuse. How to Respond If the Silent Treatment Is Used to Punish or Control. Dear Joseph, A couple of months ago, my father stopped answering phone calls and texts from my siblings and me. Opening Communication Stay calm. I’ve been on both sides of the silent treatment. Don’t fall for their ‘horrible childhood’ or ‘family of origin wounding’ tales. It just escalates things. How To Respond To The Silent Treatment? Be ready for connection when they choose to reconnect. While it’s … Make time for the both of you to cool off. There is no need to waste emotional energy fretting over their moods. People who haven’t been taught to care effectively for others in a household will use the … This may be a given, but there is a wide variety of overwhelming emotions that come with being ignored. Through their silence, they are trying to make you feel uncomfortable. No longer is it about cooling down and trying to figure out a solution to the problem; it has now become a way to punish and control the other person. 1. When having to deal with the silent treatment, it can be a very draining and painful experience.It’s manipulative behaviour and a very unhealthy form of communication. A narcissist will react to any perceived slight, real or imagined with any punishment that they deem fits your crime, the silent treatment being a favourite in their arsenal. It is tempting to respond to silent treatment with the silent treatment of your own. But whenever you've discovered that the problem is you, you must acknowledge their feelings and sincerely apologize in the hope of salvaging your relationship. Basically, you don't say anything, not even if the person tries to engage you in conversation. It may feel good to ignore your partner when you feel slighted but, it keeps you from finding real solutions to the problems that are bugging you the most. The previous example with the narcissist illustrates that whoever is giving you the silent treatment wants to cause you emotional pain. To one partner, the silent treatment is their way of dealing with an argument, but to the other, it’s a sign of shutting down. One sniff of blood in the form of any weak or emotional response to the silent treatment and the narcissist will go for the kill. Also referred to as giving the cold shoulder or stonewalling, its use is a passive-aggressive form of control and can, in many circumstances, be considered a form of emotional abuse. You actively choose not to respond to any comments, discussions, or accusations. Wait until he begins speaking to you again, and then address the issue. Your first reaction may be frustration, anger, or upset. The narcissist is keenly … He hasn’t been home when we’ve attempted to visit him. Understand What the Silent Treatment Is. Practice the Golden Rule in how you respond. This is best if your partner is only using the silent treatment to … Let’s check in then.’ For example, instead of just going completely silent, the partner can say, ‘I need half an hour to myself. If this is just the first time that your partner is giving you a silent treatment, be calm and kind instead of reacting negatively. In this video, I go into why narcissists use the silent treatment and how to respond to it. Plus, the silent treatment works particularly well on sensitive, empathic people (who are often quite attractive to narcissists), because we are wired to respond to and attempt to soothe the emotions of the people around us, especially those we love. Les Carter, Ph.D. Treat silence with silence. If the silent treatment is taken too far, it’s becomes emotional abuse. It’s that simple. *Expand* SUBSCRIBE for weekly videos: https://bit.ly/2PRGHvI FOLLOW ME on Instagram: https://bit.ly/2zgbx70 SHOP AMAZON AND SUPPORT NancyTV! By Joseph Grenny. It causes emotional trauma or stress. The primary characteristic of the silent treatment is not talking to the person. Instead, appear (and truly feel, if possible) relaxed and positive. How can you cope with and respond to the silent treatment? It’s designed to infuriate you, create panic and worry, make you question everything you said before the episode happened. They also want you to chase after them and beg them to take you back. This helps no one. How to Respond to the Silent Treatment. The selfish. Do not retaliate. If they continue to give you ‘the silent treatment,’ you have no choice then to give them the space they are creating. However, a temporary step off to allow your partner to cool down is usually the best solution. It might stop the silent treatment for the time being but it will most definitely come up again. The silent treatment is one of the most common warning signs of relationship problems because it’s so easy for couples to fall into the habit of doing. The silent treatment is the refusal to engage in verbal communication with someone, often as a response to conflict in a relationship. Take Time to Cool Off During a time of silence both partners should pause to reflect on what led up to the silent treatment episode In a relationship fueled with games, learning how to respond to the silent treatment coming your way will give you back your power. 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